Chạm vào Hạnh phúc - lời dạy từ cổ nhân

Everyone greatly respects the wisdom of his father. So what can these precursors teach us about living well? Let's discover ...

1. Events Not Making You Sad, The New Faith Makes You Sad

You are "rocked" by your loved one. Are you sad teacher? Alas, of course. The apocalypse has arrived. 

In the same situation, but later you discovered that this person was actually mentally ill and killed his 3 previous lovers. Do you feel sad about being kicked? No, you're happy. It should be clear here that being "kicked" is not an important factor. What has changed? Your own beliefs change. 

If you lose your job and believe it is an inappropriate position and believe you won't find a better job, you'll be calm.

If you believe it is the best job and believe you will never find such a good job - you will collapse. Feelings do not come randomly. It comes from belief. 

According to the shareholders: There is no good or bad thing, all is just a viewpoint. Shakespeare excellently summed up this when he said, "Nothing good is nothing bad, it is thought that creates good and bad." The world around us is neutral, it is objective. 

Most of your discomfort is caused by unreasonable beliefs. The next time you feel a negative emotion, don't focus on what you think "caused" that emotion. Ask yourself what you believe about that incident. And then wonder if that belief is reasonable: "If the person I love leaves me, I will never overcome." Only one-third of the beliefs are true. Two-thirds are absurd. And that's why you feel anxious, angry or upset.

Change your beliefs and you will be able to change your feelings: “Even if they leave me, I can still meet another person. This has happened before and I have overcome it. ” 

2. Control What Can Control, Ignore Other Things

Have you ever heard the Silent Prayer?

 “Please God give me the silence to accept what cannot be changed. Give me the courage to change what I can. And wisdom to distinguish this. ”

Reinhold Nieburh thought of this vow around 1934. The key to this prayer is to ask yourself, "What can I do about this?" If you can do it, do it. If you can't ... then you can't. Anxiety does not help except stress. 

Much of what worries us is things we can't control. If you are going to do something tomorrow and worry that it will ruin what you intend to do, your stressful mood about it will not change whether it rains or not. Remember you will not only be happier if you can distinguish what you can and cannot change, but if you focus all your energy on what you can change, you will also work much more effectively.

The following is a brief illustrated image that helps clarify the idea:

The next time you're worried, stop and ask yourself, "Can I control this?" If so, stop worrying and start working. If the answer is no, worrying doesn't make things better. So sadness, anger and anxiety are irrational reactions and it is not the right way to react when something happens. 

3. Accept All, But Don't Be Passive

This is a challenge for everyone. Nobody likes the word "accept." I think it means "give up." Consider it according to this perspective: What is antonym to acceptance? Negate. And no one has advised others to deny it. Albert Ellis said that people will be happier if they leave the word "should" in their vocabulary. "Should" is denial. 

Denial is absurd, and as we have just learned, unreasonable belief is the starting point of negative emotions. Therefore, the first step is to accept reality. But that doesn't mean you have to be passive. 

Accepting for us means surrendering, but for predecessors it means accepting reality as its inherent nature and then deciding what you will do then. The problem lies in the expectation that everything happens according to its own will, we feel accepted as being resigned, while in reality we don't know anything else that can happen. This bad story may have helped us avoid much worse. Or maybe it will open for us a great new opportunity that we haven't realized yet. Do not waste any energy to fight things that are beyond our control, accept it, cherish it and then keep moving forward and consider what you can do with it.

The next time things don't work out as you want, don't deny the fact. Please accept it. It happened. Then wonder if you can control it or not. If yes, do something. If not, ask if your belief is reasonable. That's how you go from: "God shouldn't rain! We can't go to the park! It's broken today! ”Into“ Okay, it's raining. Today we are not going to the park. Let's watch a good movie together. ”  

4. Morning And Evening Habits Are Necessary

Many studies show that habits can really help improve your life. The morning and evening routines help you get ready for the new day, and reflect on how things have happened and find out where to improve. 

You should start the day with a habit of reminding yourself of what you will face and then you should end the day by reflecting on what has happened and what can be improved. 

The old people do not believe in perfection. They feel we are all growing. You can always become better. As Seneca once said: As long as you are alive, keep learning how to live. 

In short: Don't focus on the things you don't own as if it were yours, but count on the happiness you really have and think about how much you would expect to have if it is no longer yours too. 

Studies show that losing precious moments in your life makes you appreciate it more, making you feel grateful and happier. 

You don't need a shiny, expensive new item to be happy about. Take some time to appreciate all the things you have. Newness is overestimated. Sometimes ideas thousands of years ago are all we need to live happily.